Thursday, November 02, 2006

The Kerry Sampler of Botched Jokes


What they wrote for John Kerry to say in Pasadena:
“Do you know where you end up if you don’t study, if you aren’t smart, if you’re intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush.”

What he said:
"You know education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. And if you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

What they wrote for John Kerry to say at the Shriners Convention:
"What is this, an audience or an oil painting?"

What he said:
"What's all this, this audience and its oral panting."

What they wrote for John Kerry to say at the Ted Kennedy roast:
"But, seriously, Teddy, you've built bridges to new ideas all your life....

What John Kerry said:
"But, seriously Teddy, all your life, there've been bridges, you see, and you have crossed most of them....with new ideas, I mean."

What they wrote for John Kerry to say on the Jay Leno show:
"Jay, you are the only guy with a longer face than me!"

What John Kerry said:
"How's your face, Jay? I mean, is it longer or not?"

What they wrote for John Kerry to say at the Union League comedy night:
"Take my wife, please!"

What John Kerry said:
"Please, Theresa's my wife. Take her!"

What they wrote for John Kerry to say at the Gridiron dinner:
Two guys are out walking their dogs and pass by a bar.
One says: Let's go inside and get a drink
The other says: But look at that sign, it says no dogs allowed.
The friend says: Watch this. He puts on sunglasses and walks into the bar with his dog.
A few minutes later, the friend decides to try it.
He puts on sunglasses and walks into the bar with his dog.
He sees his friend sitting drinking a beer, with his German shepherd at his side.
He goes up and asks for a beer himself.
Bartender says: Sorry, pal, no dogs.
The guy says: It's my seeing-eye dog.
Bartender says: But that's a chihuahua.
The guy slaps his forehead and says: You mean, they gave me a Chihuahua!

What John Kerry said:
"I have a joke that I hope you will find amusing. It's about two blind guys and they have a German shepherd, see, and the other has a Chihuahua.
At any rate, they are passing by a tavern. And they are wearing sunglasses, I think.
And one of them goes into the bar. Wait! Wait! I think the guys are not blind really. Yes, that's it. It's a ruse, you see. At any rate, they are thirsty and they want to drink a beer. Now, let me see, what happens next....

13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too much is being made of this gaff. I think the real apology should be made to American people for the continual lies being made by this administration. This is a smoke-screen for failed policies at home and abroad.

1:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My problem with this is that it illustrates the extent to which liberals have just been sitting around bashing instead of coming up with new ideas and alternatives. While I don't think that comment is all that some people are making it out to be, it's the kind of comment I would expect from one of the readers of Tom Ferrick's blog, not a long-time U.S. Senator and former presidential candidate.

2:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This cant be true - everybody noze us Democrats are much smarter then dum Rebublicans like Dan Quale.

3:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, this is the guy that was attempting to make a joke about the President's lack of intelligence? That is a joke!

4:25 PM  
Anonymous Fed Up Independent said...

What I do not understand...the media is always acused of being liberal by the Republicans. If the media is so damn liberal, why would they continually make this the biggest friggin story of the week? It was obvious to me the guy was trying to make Bush look dumb and failed miserably. Am I really supposed to believe that everyone in America thinks otherwise? If so, this is a sad week for the United States. What came out of Kerry's mouth was stupid, no doubt. However, I do no understand why it should have any bearing on anything...the guy isn't running for any office. For the news media to declare that this mis-speak is going to change the outcome of the election for the Democrats sure doesn't sound very liberal to me.

4:33 PM  
Anonymous JPM said...

JPM Cicago says: The three top networks have been running as fast as they can to rewrite what Kerry was supposed to say while ignoring what he actually said.. Then they say that the Republicans are to blame for making a big deal out of this. Kerry was the first to ask for the resignation of Trent Lott when he made a joke at Strom Thermond's birthday party saying "I want to say this about my state: When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We're proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn't have had all these problems
over all these years, either." Meanwhile, senator Byrd is a former KKK Grand Marshall. The ex-Klansman showed his true colors when asked by Fox News Sunday Morning talk show host Tony Snow about the state of race relations in America. Sen. Byrd warned: "There are white niggers. I've seen a lot of white niggers in my time. I'm going to use that word. We just need to work together to make our country a better country, and I'd just as soon quit talking about it so much."
Byrd and Kerry should go to lunch and plan their next move!!!

Ya just gotta love it! ! ! !

JPM Chicago

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fed UP independant? An "Independant" is someone who does not understand economics, knows nothing of moral foundations or the history of our country, and is the kind of person who will go to the end of the earth to avoid confrontation. At parties, they are the ones with their mouth shut during any kind of discussion on current events. Wishey washey, spineless wimps. At least the Dems and Reps go toe to toe for what they believe in, and when one convinces the other to a degree, they might jump ship to the other party. "Indepemdants" ? ? ? Spineless wimps. ... "Will that be chocolate or vanilla, sir? Oh... Oh let me see... how about one of each, blended... and with whipped cream and a cherry!!!" THEY MAKE ME PUKE. GIRLIE MEN!!!

11:24 PM  
Blogger fcs25 said...

Kerry's comments expressed his opionions exactly; Remember him calling Vietnam Vets baby killers? It was no mistake.

7:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Independents are often the voice of reason at parties because they don't just stupidly babble about whatever their party tells them to.

They also often tend to be trolls on message boards using their "independence" to hide the partisan nature of their comments.

3:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So he's got a track record of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time... is that supposed to make it any better? Bush gets piled on all the time for misspeaking. Kerry deserves the seat of heat now and again.

1:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tom:
Did you or ANY OTHER reporter in the entire coiuntry get the exact text of Kerry's speech BEFORE he made it?

Please respond when you get a chance. I find it incredulous how the old media has bonded together to defend Senator Kerry for his ridiculous remarks by taking a speech given to them by Kerry's own staffers AFTER the actual words were spoken and then downplaying what he said.

He knew EXACTLY the words he wnated to say and said them.

This is a man who has been looking down upon the men and women in uniform since he went to Iraq and was forced to spend time and actually sleep near the commoners. Oh how dreadful that time in Vietnam must have been. He had to engage in conversations with HS graduates and GED recipients.

Oh the horror!

12:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was a stupid thing to say, no doubt. But how about Rumsfled saying he'd fire anybody in the Pentagon who mentioned occupation prior to the invasion. +2,000 deaths, 4 years and a Civil War later I don't hear any appologies for gross incompetence and bravado to boot!

1:58 PM  
Anonymous Geraldp said...

Bottom line, aren't you happy that John Kerry and/or Al Gore are not the President of the US? What were you all thinking when you voted for one or both of these guys?!?

11:35 PM  

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