Thursday, June 08, 2006

Another Message from God

First, let Me say that I am eternally grateful to the author of this blog for giving Me this space to allow Me to elucidate on My support to Gov. Rendell, known as "Eddie" to Me.

And when I say eternal, I mean eternal.

People were surprised when I endorsed Eddie. They expected Me maybe to support Lynn Swann? Get a life! Everyone who knows Me knows I am a Cowboys fan. I could never forgive Swann for what he did to us in SuperBowl X, not to mention SuperBowl XIII.

And when I say never, I mean never.

People have said to Me: "God, Swann's campaign isn't doing well. He's behind in the polls. Even the Washington Times has given his campaign a C-. Isn't your endorsing Rendell just an example of piling on? It doesn't seem fair."

I reply unto them: Who said life was fair? I am the God of Israel. The God of the Old Testament. I'm not the touchy-feelie-turn-your-cheek-the-other-way God of the New Testament. I smite people. I whack them around. I punish them in terrible ways. Think Job. Think Lot. Think Jonah. Think Sodom. Think Gomorrah.

Speaking of Sodom and Gomorrah, I am reminded of Harrisburg.

I am not at all amused by the antics there. I sent that message in the primary with Jubelirer and Brightbill and the others (Yes, it was Me.) and what happens when they get back? The first thing they do is pass a constitutional amendment about gay marriage.

This whole gay marriage thing is My territory not yours! It's not up to you to sit in judgment. That's My job. It's in the specs.

I would suggest that before you start trying to take over My job, you start doing your job better. Yes, I am talking to you John Perzel. And the rest of you.

I'm going to give you forty days and forty nights to straighten up and fly right. I'm talking lobbyist reform. I'm talking property tax reform. I'm talking about true reform of the legislature.

Get on the stick and do it before the November election break and I will be well pleased.

Lollygag and dilly-dally, drag your feet and do the usual hemming and hawing, and I may smite you.

And when I say smite, I mean smite.

I'm not going to tip my hand, but I will give you a hint: If I were a member of the legislature, I wouldn't stand too close to any electrical outlets.

Think about it.

In the meantime, Vote for Eddie. He's My Man.


Anonymous phillydem said...

LOL! I am highly amused, but what will Cardinal Rigali say????

12:19 PM  
Anonymous CENTRIST said...

Rigalli, no doubt, will say, "Vote Republican!"

1:32 AM  
Anonymous tom ong said...

Great column, Pal. Now, what about Bush and the environment.

10:05 AM  

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